Grateful

Three times a day he got down on his knees and prayed, giving thanks to his God, just as he had done before.
Daniel 6:10

It has come to my attention that I have every reason to be extremely grateful for all that has happened in my life. I spend most of my time being cynical so this is a delightful change. When human beings have something for a long period of time we forget that it is there and we take it for granted. This has happened in several areas of my life and it takes a lot of effort to remember why I should be thankful. I don't remember if it was Angelo or Hosive that told us to write down 10 things that we are thankful of weekly. Well here it is, an entry for the past 208 weeks (4 years) that I didn't do what you told me to do.

First off, I began thinking of this topic over a phone call with my parents. I love my parents very much. It was always hard for me to fully appreciate them because they've always loved me more than anyone loves me on earth, trusted every single decision that I've made, and treated me much better than they treat themselves. When I really think about all my parents have done and sacrificed for the growth of my brother (http://www.djsleeper.com) and I, the list would really never end. One of the main reasons we moved to Hong Kong was because my mom wanted to get us international exposure, the main reason we moved into one of the richest areas in the world was because they wanted to get us the best education possible. I can't think back to all the different teachers and tutors they got us: french tutors, SAT tutors, A+ math tutoring, clarinet teachers, guitar teachers, piano teachers, and all the honors bands (mcyo, pvyo, all state band). They paid for my own electric piano, 2 accoustic guitars, 1 electric guitar, a sax that I never played, and 2 clarinets not to mention two grand piano's in my living room (ok, I guess those were for my dad). My parents have always drove old ass toyota corrolla's while buying us both new cars and they were never able to buy anything nicer than those corrolla's because they were robbed by Indiana and Emory because it was the best school we could get into (without any aid). They never cared that every single one of their co-workers would lease rich german cars and act like they were wealthy while they would drive their unwashed cars and spend their life savings on our colleges. They left their beloved home church in Silver Spring because they thought that we would be able to grow as Christians more at CBC even though they really didn't like it. As soon as we graduated (and even a little bit before) they left the church. And that is literally all just off the top of my head, I could keep going if I wanted.

Second, I first remember when I first became Christian all I prayed for was a group of best friend's that I could struggle and grow with. I have had that for my entire time in college mainly through Jabez, Alex, and Will. There has sure been ups and downs for all of us and even times of slight resentment towards each other, but we have always been able to relate because of our brokenness. It has been a real testament to James 5:16 (Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed) and I could not have made it this far and kept my sanity without them. There is something beautiful about being able to struggle together. Even after failing over and over, I know that there is someone else who failed as bad as I did. It is a scary thought that in one month my best friend Jabez will be going back to Singapore.

I went on to pray that I would find a church because at my first 2 years at Emory I was unable to find a church I felt alive at. Soon after I found Veritas. Veritas has been the most unflashy, unpoliticized church that I have ever been to and it has really shown me that God isn't in the hype but in the prodigal. I needed to know that Christianity wasn't all about the media again and that a pastor that is broken, honest, and insecure could be called to lead God's church.

I heard Piper recently preach about remembering that the cross should be measured by God's glory and not our worth and it reminded me to be again be thankful of the cross, something that we all take for granted daily. He talked about how he would always get in arguments with his wife about taking out the trash. He would angrily grab the trash and take it outside and after putting it in the bin he would look up in the sky, feel the breeze on his skin, and wonder why he had not been struck dead by God because of his sin. As I sit here and type and breathe in and out I am reminded that each breath is an undeserving breath and a gift.

As summer begins I am as anxious, scared, and excited as I've ever been. As I was talking to Carolyn about her summer before coming to Emory, I couldn't help but relate my feelings now with my feelings before I left for Emory. In the story of Daniel, a law was made that prayer would be illegal, Daniel got on his knees three times a day and thanked God, just as he had done before. He was thrown in a lion's den after that "And when Daniel was lifted from the den, no wound was found on him, because he had trusted in his God" (Daniel 6:23). God am I grateful of God. I know though that it is time to go into the lion's den. Maybe it is the beginning of an end, and about time that I begin coming to terms with growing up. I have several more reasons to be thankful. This summer I will spend most of my time at my dream internship I've always wanted at Lehman Brothers in New York, coupled with a month at my dream missions field right after that at Little Lights in DC (God willing). The more I've realized that I'm scared and unable to function as a Christian in the environments that are to come, the more I've realized that I need to rely on God. As Coldplay sings it, "help is just around the corner." (I had to get that in there because there CD is coming out June 16/17 pee in my pants). I give thanks for the the undeserving grace that has and will be given.